Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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