Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
