Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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