It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
