So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
