It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
