I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
