she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
