why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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