New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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