what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
