People in love make me want to vomit
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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