Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
