girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
