Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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