dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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