Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
