Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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