How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
