Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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