WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
