JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
please don't ironically join a cult
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