I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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