Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
