it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
