How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
