WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
