and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
