Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
