oh god the rape fog is back!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
