I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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