Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How naked do you want me to be?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
