i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
