to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you win again, gameday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
