I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
