I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
