and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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