i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
