I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
