Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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