Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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