the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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