Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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