a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
