There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
