i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
