I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
