I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
