I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
