at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
