Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
