if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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