i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
